A man has been criticized online for expecting his wife to support his elderly parents financially.
In a post four days ago on Reddit, the user u/AngleComfortable1917 wrote how he and his wife had fallen out over the money issues.
“I work as a teacher and make around £40k ($51,000), while she works in the private sector and makes £300-400k ($338k-$517k) after tax,” he added in the post. “We split our finances equitably, with her paying 70 percent to my 30 percent.”
While their finances were generally well organized and agreed upon, recently an issue had come up between the couple.
“A little background—her parents both immigrated to this country so she and her sisters could succeed in life, and now all have very high-paying jobs, one working in tech and the other being a surgeon,” wrote the poster. “Meanwhile, my parents worked government jobs, and my sister lives on benefits, so we are a relatively low-income family.”
With his wife’s parents recently retired, he added that she gives them around £2,000 ($2,580) a month, despite the fact that they both have pensions. However, this money comes from her own account.
But an argument started when the husband said that they should also help his parents financially.
“When I brought up my parents were also retired and could use the help, she told me that if I could afford to send it from my own salary, I should. I was shocked and angry; my parents only had me to depend on while her sisters made a lot of money, so her parents would be fine either way. My wife told me her parents sacrificed a lot by moving to this country; it is her responsibility, and my parents should be my responsibility,” the poster wrote. “I just don’t understand how she can be so cheap because she earns so much more than me.”
Beverly Hills psychiatrist Carole Lieberman, M.D. told Newsweek her thoughts on the story. “Their problems go deeper than who has more money at this time. The wife probably resents his not paying more than 30 percent of their expenses, while she pays 70 percent. Apparently, the husband has mentioned in posts that his wife does more of the parenting and household work, as well.
“It is always best for couples to discuss their attitudes towards money before they get married, but many couples are afraid it will start an argument,” said Lieberman. “This couple needs to have a long-overdue, lengthy discussion about what they each are willing to change to make what they put into the marriage.”
Meanwhile, the story gained serious traction on Reddit where it has received more than 6,000 upvotes and thousands of comments.
Redditor the_owl_syndicate wrote: “She’s your wife, not a sugar mama for you and your family.”
“Your sense of entitlement is vast. You could end up living on only your salary if you keep up this attitude,” posted SomeRazzmatazz339.
BoundPrincess84 commented: “She’s right that she doesn’t have an obligation to your parents, and you don’t have an obligation to hers.”
“In a perfect marriage, a wife should come to love the husband’s parents and, therefore, want to help them be comfortable, especially here where the father is ill,” said Lieberman. “But she should not feel compelled to help his parents when he and his sister seem lazy, or at least unenthusiastic about working more and making more money to help themselves and their parents.”
Newsweek has reached out to u/AngleComfortable1917 via Reddit messaging for comment. We were not able to verify the details of this case.
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